Liz Vliegenthart (they/them), 20 August 2023

I have lived in Germany for 3 years now, and I speak the language quite well. As a non-binary person, I felt like I should have known what my pronouns were in German. I just simply, had never taken the time to figure it out before.

So naturally it was time for some research. I know my pronouns in English, of course. I prefer to go by they/them pronouns, but I will also let the occasional they/she slip, simply because I don’t always have the energy to explain myself or correct other people. But generally, they/them pronouns make me feel good, they make me feel most like me. But then how does they/them translate into German?

To answer that question, there are a few things we have to understand about the language first. German is a difficult language, and it’s one of the languages that conjugates their pronouns into different cases. On top of that, German is a heavily gendered language, which can make it challenging to find a gender-nonconforming place in it.

The German language does differentiate between male, female, and neutral genders, but the neutral gender is generally reserved for objects. Let’s, for example, have a look at the word ‘student’. In English, this is a gender-neutral word, but in German, there is a male version (Schüler) and a female version (Schülerin). There are gender-neutral options like Lernende (those who learn) or Studierende (those who study) but they are not very common and rarely used.

So, let’s phrase our question a bit differently: What could be your (or my) gender-neutral pronouns in German?

And so, I found myself on a quest for non-binary pronouns in German, which was a truly fascinating journey. The German language seems to have more gender-neutral pronouns than any language I have come across so far, but at the same time doesn’t recognize any of them officially. It gives non-binary people many options to choose from, which I found very comforting, but also leaves them hanging in the cold by getting no official recognition.

One of the things I discovered, was that some people opt not to have any pronouns at all. They prefer it if you call them by their name and use that name only when talking about them. So, any time you’d use a pronoun, you would use their name instead. Sometimes it’s also possible to rephrase a sentence in such a way that you won’t need to use any pronouns at all.

Then there is a thing called Neutral Pronouns (Neutrale Pronomen) and the most common ones are Dey/Deren and Xier/Xies or Sier/Sies. There is also the less common one, Es/Sein.

The useful thing about these pronouns is that you can conjugate them in the German language while the original structure of the language still remains. When using these pronouns, there is no need for rephrasing sentences, so anywhere you would normally put sie/ihr (she/her) or er/ihm (he/him) you would put these Neutral Pronouns instead.

Another thing I found is that since German doesn’t officially recognize gender-neutral pronouns, German speakers can choose to use pronouns from languages that have recognized them. This is why in German, you can use they/them pronouns, too. Another example is Swedish, where hen/hens is commonly used, and you can use this when speaking German as well.

Why are pronouns so important?

Imagine that you are a cis male (you were born male, and you identify as a male) and you are in a store and the person behind the counter misgenders you. In this case, this means that the person addresses you as miss, instead of sir. This might leave you feeling confused, upset, or even angry. Why does this person not recognize that you are a man? Why do they assume that you are a woman?

For non-binary people and transpeople, it might feel the same. So if we take me for example, I was born as a female, but the pronouns she/her have never felt right. This is because I don’t identify as a female. I also don’t identify as a male, so when I discovered the possibility of being non-binary and using non-binary pronouns, that felt like a huge relief. I did not have to choose between two genders, and I did not simply have to be female because that is how I was born. Using they/them pronouns feels right, and makes me feel like the most authentic version of myself. I do let she/her slip because I know what I look like to the general public, and I do not feel like correcting people I don’t know.

Pronouns are important because it’s part of who someone is. And using the correct pronouns makes them feel seen, heard and loved.

You might be wondering if I found my pronouns in German. After doing all the research for this article, it took me a long time to decide on my pronouns.
I have to say, the amount of choice I had, did actually not make it easier for me. In the end, I decided that I liked the way Xier/Xies sounds. Sometimes it can be as simple as that. It sounds fun and I like to think of myself as a fun person, so if my pronouns in German can be fun, that is always a huge plus!